Billy no mates.


Dear mummy, it pains me to see you this way. Crying yourself to sleep. From the outside you seem to have a perfectly normal life. You have a loving family, a successful job doing what you love and a great hobby which brings you fulfilment.

But something is missing. It was there 5 years ago and now it’s gone. Friendship. Where have all your non-mummy friends gone, are they lost? Lost in their own lives, bored of yours?

It makes you sad. You try to reach out to them, but like a sickly sweet that’s gone sour, a bitter taste is left in your mouth. Did you scare them away? Did they get tired of you talking about pregnancy and turning into a boring mum? Too much baby spam?

You’re still the person you used to be. You don’t think you have changed…it’s just that your world doesn’t revolve around them…it revolves around me. You feel abandoned, left out, old.

You feel the outside world has moved on and not taken you with them. You’re a prisoner of being a mummy and sticking to routine.

You find solace in forming online friendships through blogging but rarely meet in person. You need face to face contact, someone to share a laugh with. A female to confide in.

You never had a best friend and that makes you sad. It must have been something you did or didn’t do.

When was the last time a mate invited you to the cinema, called or texted to see if you were ok? Invited you on a girlie night out? It’s a sad state of affairs. You miss your old friends. Ex friends.

You wish they would have told you it was over. Like a relationship that has fizzled out…why didn’t they warn you the break-up was going to happen?

It’s hurt you, a lot.

You cry at night….and I can’t help you. But I’m here and that’s all that matters.

Love Bella x
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17 thoughts on “Billy no mates.

  1. Would love to be friends, I’m in a similar situation and it’s not easy when you lose your friendships along the road. But new friendships can be awesome and as long as you’re open to them, you’ll make better friendships that you’ve ever had x

    1. I hope so. My mummy has some great ‘mummy’ friends…she just feels lonely. A lot more than she did before me 😔 teenage/student friendships are very different from grown-up/adult friendships and sometimes she craves the silliness and giggles.

      Sounds like she needs to grow-up….

  2. I think sometimes the things we have in common just dissipates….I’m so sorry this has happened to your Mummy though Bella. Tell her sometimes there is light at the end of the tunnel as my Mummy met a friend online, ended up meeting in real life (weirdest thing ever!) and now they are great friends.

    Be warned though – she does end up spending a lot of time on the phone now and giggling as random pictures and messages come through!

    Lots of friendly best wishes and virtual hugs!
    Baby Darcie xx

    1. Aww thanks for your comment… It’s made my mummy feel a bit better x she misses company sometimes and wishes she had girlie sleepovers again. She’s just a big kid really x

  3. Yes, I think this is something that often happens. Sad, but maybe there isn’t really enough common ground or connection left, because if there was the friendships would probably survive. Sorry mummy is feeling lonely, though, Bella. Hope it gets better. #PoCoLo

  4. I’m sorry you’re struggling love. I often had similar feelings when E was tiny – it was just so hard to connect with anyone when I couldn’t guarantee how long it would take to get out the house, and then when we finally did, whether E would sprint away the moment I tried to start a conversation with someone new. Now we have a fab network of mums and tots from E’s nursery but it’s taken a long time and still needs a lot of flexibility on all our parts. Trust that “this too shall pass”. Take care. xx

  5. It is something that happens a lot, it’s such a huge time of change and new friends will come along. Time goes so quickly and the baby years turn into fun childhood years where the little ones make new friends and the mummies make friends together, and fun and silly times can still happen. Mummies never feel lonely for long xx #PoCoLo

  6. I can totally relate to this. I am the first of my friends group to have a baby and find it difficult to make ‘mummy’ friends. I started blogging as a way of connecting with other mums. x

  7. This was so sad to read, all the more because I know exactly the place it was written from. I have felt a little invisible to some friends since settling down, and others have disappeared from my life outright. Mummy friends are the solution…but I haven’t been able to find any of those either! Try to see the positives though – at least you aren’t wasting time on people who don’t care, and that time can be spent on what really matters.

  8. It’s so hard maintaining friendships once you’ve had children, I’ve grown apart from some of my close friends because we have nothing in common and they just don’t get it that I can’t go out whenever I please or drop everything. We’re not that far from you, if you fancy meeting halfway one day just give us a shout – we’d love to meet up! xx

    1. Thank you x that means a lot x All the comments have been really supportive and reassuring. It’s great to have such a nice blogging community. Are you heading to #BlogOnWin? As it would be lovely to see you there x

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