A guest post from my mummy. Dear Bella, I’m writing this open letter to you from A&E. I’m sorry that you can’t see me right now but I’m in so much pain that it’s not a good idea. You see … Continue reading
The day my world (lung) collapsed.
Tag Archives: my mummy
50 Things that make me happy….by my mummy
50 things that make me happy…
…by my mummy.
Dear Mummy, last week I shared “50 things that make a toddler happy“ and this week it’s your go!
It started when PickingUpToys tagging us for the 50 Happy Things challenge. There are lots of people participating in this at the moment, so I hope you like getting to know me and my mummy a bit better 🙂
Here’s my mummy’s list of 50 things that make her happy. Simples x
1) Me and Daddy of course!
2) Her family and close friends
3) National Trust walks
4) Taking photos with her new camera
5) Social media and blogging
6) Watching great telly like Game of Thrones, Gotham, Hannibal and True Detective
7) Reading Mo Hayder books
8) Shopping (when she has the money)
9) Window shopping (when she doesn’t have the money!)
10) #SoMum make dates on Twitter – they are such fun!
11) Crafting with me
12) Summer picnics
13) A new haircut
14) Scrunchy head (head massage to me and you)
15) Back rubs
16) Going to Festivals
17) Camping and the great outdoors
18) Swimming
19) Graphic Design
20) Day trips to London
21) Day trips to Brighton
22) Anything vintage
23) Charity shop hunting and car-booting
24) Dancing
25) Drinking Strawberry & Lime Cider in the sun
26) Ulster Fry-ups
27) Guinness
28) Painting her nails
30) Watching me – it’s one of her favourite pastimes
31) Sleep and her bed
32) Halloween
33) Bonfire Night
34) Slipknot Wednesdays
35) Scott Mills – a man from her home town!
36) Pears
37) Afternoon tea with Earl Grey
38) Watching funny YouTube videos
39) Fashion and reading magazines
40) Karma. People getting a good dose.
41) Top Gear
42) Going to gigs
43) Kebabs
44) Going to the Beach
45) Visiting the Witches at Burley, New Forest
46) Spa days
47) Clean sheets
48) Seeing blossom everywhere
49) Her faith
50) Our life
We hope you like this weeks list!
Love Bella and her mummy x
The colours of my mummy’s life
My mummy sees things in black and white at the moment with the odd speckles of grey.
Halftone colours on a blank canvas.
We’ve had an interesting start to the year already. Self doubt, sickness, stress and all round ‘meh’.
This new year I want her to see the rainbows in her life. All the colours that life has to offer.
Red, not like anger but family. Blood is thicker than water she needs to make more of an effort with her family.
Orange, like the ones I eat, the little segments each representing an aspect of her life. Husband, me, work, routine, personal time, hobbies, sleep. All parts of the orange together makes her whole.
Yellow, not just sickness (like the colour of my nappies) but the goodness and caring. Having the patience, courage and strength to be a better mum when things get tough.
Green, not just jealousy but hope and the realisation that everyone else has their own journey to live. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Blue, not just sadness but new horizons. Blue skies and sunny days are hopefully lying ahead.
Purple, the colour of Cadbury’s chocolate wrappers. In life you can NEVER have too much chocolate! Life is like a box of chocolates as someone famous once said…you never know what you’re gotta get. This new year, don’t limit yourself with things you can’t have. Silly fad diets and restrictions on things that make you happy. Just be happy.
We love this artwork from Stephanie Block, a local artist in Hampshire. We proudly hang it in our house and it serves a gentle reminder to put things into perspective when life gets tough.
Dear mummy, always look for the rainbow after the storm.
Love Bella x
Behind closed doors
Behind closed doors
Dear mummy, so it’s got to this.
You are staring at your hand filled with sleeping pills. This has been the hardest post to write, you see this blog was only ever supposed to be recording the happy times.
Unfortunately recently we’ve only had the bad. Illness, no sleep, relationship problems. You’ve done quite well shielding me from how you feel though. With a family history of mental health issues ranging from Alcoholism, which lead to your father’s death at 52, to eating disorders and depression. It’s about time something was going to happen to you.
At Christmas it’s always worse. Trying to keep everyone happy, putting a fake smile on, telling yourself that you are happy. Some days you are. Some days you are not.
So, here you are. Sleeping pills & pain killers or writing this post to get it off your chest. People sing about contemplating suicide, but until you actually feel like you can do it, do you fully emerge yourself in the task of planning it. Fantasising on ways that you could end it all. Hanging on window blind cords, driving your car into a brick wall or inching slowly off the motorway. Taking drugs mixed with sleeping pills and going to the kitchen drawer downstairs and grabbing a knife. You’ve thought about stabbing yourself in the stomach a lot, you don’t think you could cut your wrists.
Sleep deprivation and lack of self-esteem has led to this post. You hate yourself and feel others are mocking you and bitching about you behind your back. You feel you aren’t good enough to be a mum, by feeling constantly judged by others. You aren’t good enough to blog because you can’t spell or use grammar correctly. You’ve failed at being successful by being a lowly graphic designer. You’re ugly, fat and hate yourself. Daddy doesn’t listen to you or respect advice that you try to give. Always wanting to be in control of everything and you feel like a spare part. Surely no-one would miss you….except me. I’m the reason you are writing this post instead of ending it all. I’m the reason you are doing this blog, I’m the reason why you are trying to live your life. You are doing a shit job at it mummy and screwing it all up.
What to do…?
I don’t know.
Bella.
